Happy birthday in Heaven – 2022

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Cara was born in the early morning hours of Dec 28, 1974. She would be age 48 if she were still with us.  It is impossible to imagine the adult, the mother, possibly even the grandmother by now that she might have been. What were the chances she would have found a stable and supportive partner? Would I have been able to give her the support she needed?

Last year, as I reflected on the beginning of our time with Block, I wondered where things started to go wrong. Whatever the answer, they obviously worsened during that time of toxic turmoil, of thinly veiled contempt and compromise, of rules instead of respect, and barely contained hostility.

Bigger questions, of course, are why my own unresolved trauma and equivalent of “learned helplessness” led me to accept such a precarious situation. It initially seemed like a good idea that two single parents with similar aged children could come together and combine resources for their common good.

It is said that people are attracted to each other from their own sense of worth. Could it be that we, the supposed adults, were both damaged people, projecting our tentative credibility on each other and our innocent children, hoping to be validated by the appearance of a happy blended family. However, this is not the time for that reflection. It will happen at another time.

Today is the day to remember and celebrate a unique and special spirit whose life was cut short by circumstances beyond her control. For lack of new thoughts, I will repeat a poem written many years ago.

RIP my darling daughter

You were taken from us on a hot summer night 

And lost your life in a terrible fight.

Your wounded body was tossed aside

By the unknown person who knows when you died.

Your spirit’s now free of struggle and pain

Though your body was left in the sun and the rain

With life blood soaking into the ground

Returning to the earth before you were found.

You live on forever in all hearts who care,

Fun loving, impulsive, not full aware,

Beautiful woman child younger than your years

We remember your laugher and smile through our tears.